Trapped in a body that doesn't feel like mine | anewgrandma's Blog

It still feels so strange to be in this position. Most of the time I am a strong and optimistic woman. Most of the time I tackle these obstacles With strength and determination. Most of the time you will see a smile on my face. But once in a while I go to the dark place... a place full of such anguish and despair... Silent screaming in my head....and in the end I'm still in the same position I cannot change. Luckily this doesn't happen often and I can stand up and count my blessings and be thankful I am here to be with my family, For my family. People who meet me say I have such a great attitude toward life. Simply put, this experience has taught me to cherish life and to really make the most of mine. I just don't know exactly how to do that, I no longer have a direction to travel. I am sitting at a crossroads and cannot read any of the street signs. I know I am a mother I know I am a grandmother. Those parts of me are strong and proud. But the rest of me....really doesn't know me. Sometimes I feel so lost. But I keep plugging along, getting up every day, doing what I have to do....what else can I do?