Where's my partner, my friend?
As the days trickle by,
so goes "us".
I clutch, I cry,
I try to ignore the distance
Parting our passion-
Or, maybe only mine...
I try to push the signals
Out of my thoughts...
Instead watching you fly,
With pride and anguish.
I watch the tide
Wane into the horizon
I see your shadow,
Riding the waves.
I think I've lost you,
My partner, my friend.
I'm sitting here this new year trying not to eat the cookies on my counter. As many of you I'm sure, have made the same boring old resolution: loose weight in 2013. The cookies are my homemade peanut butter (easiest recipe ever, for those who are interested. Whoops! I forgot, never mind!) filled with walnutty fudge. (made from scratch, mind you). One of those would be perfect with my cup of coffee I hold in my left hand, because my right hand is free to take a cookie.
Now it is no longer just a cookie, but a foe, a foe in the now ensuing battle. I cautiously approach the front line and as I do, my foe looms larger and seemingly more delicious before me. Shouts of "Retreat, retreat!" are loud in my head. Now it is no longer just a cookie, no longer only a foe, no longer a simple battle: but now I am faced with this larger-than-life saga: The Colossal Cookie Combat of 2013.
A victory here represents a year of victories. A year of healthy eating, of slimming down size from size from size; it means enjoying a hot bod by my birthday in September. A loss here could be devastating, it could mean another year of fat pants and squeezing into my wheelchair without ease.
These cookies don't look so appetizing any more. I approach the front-line with confidence now, I have the plate of cookies in my hand..... And Bam! excellent! Into the trash they go!
Yaaaaay! I did it! Skinny jeans here I come!
It still feels so strange to be in this position. Most of the time I am a strong and optimistic woman. Most of the time I tackle these obstacles With strength and determination. Most of the time you will see a smile on my face. But once in a while I go to the dark place... a place full of such anguish and despair... Silent screaming in my head....and in the end I'm still in the same position I cannot change. Luckily this doesn't happen often and I can stand up and count my blessings and be thankful I am here to be with my family, For my family. People who meet me say I have such a great attitude toward life. Simply put, this experience has taught me to cherish life and to really make the most of mine. I just don't know exactly how to do that, I no longer have a direction to travel. I am sitting at a crossroads and cannot read any of the street signs. I know I am a mother I know I am a grandmother. Those parts of me are strong and proud. But the rest of me....really doesn't know me. Sometimes I feel so lost. But I keep plugging along, getting up every day, doing what I have to do....what else can I do?
Previous PostsMy partner, my Friend, posted January 2nd, 2013
To eat or not to eat?, posted January 1st, 2013
Trapped in a body that doesn't feel like mine, posted December 23rd, 2012, 3 comments
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